Sleep Peacefully… My Love!

I wake up to find my old cat laying right beside me…

She has not left my side at night for days…

I know she senses my pain…

I reach over to touch my Bobby’s shoulder…

Just need to know he is right here beside me…

He is sleeping peacefully… which I am grateful…

I’m restless…

Decide to get up… I can lay back down later if I need to…

It’s Mother’s Day… although my little family got together yesterday… meeting to eat and exchange gifts…

Nothing elaborate…

but, to be with them is always fulfilling to me…

Lasting for days in my mind…

Things they said…

Things they did…

The laughter… the talk…

My Bobby is quiet…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

(Took this photo after we got home… sitting outside is his favorite spot!)

 

as we eat…

Letting us have this moment… Listening…

Our little world was turned upside down starting last Sunday night…

My Bobby hadn’t felt well for over two months…

Fighting his ears … sounds running through them…

Finally cat scan coming back OK… and with cleaning/vacuuming them…

the noise seems to have stopped… Scar tissue remains… a thickening on the ear drum…

One mystery solved… but, more to come…

His legs/hips/back were killing him…

and finally an x-ray on his back… still haven’t heard from that!…

but, when he couldn’t breathecouldn’t walk… had NO energy to give…

The Emergency Room was the answer…

This has been a long process…

As he called me that he was being admitted…

I was relieved that he was finally going to get a thorough check-up… to find out what was making him to come to this state…

His heart enzymes… way off kelter…

Later finding he had a small heart attack… (he had a triple by-pass) 6 years ago…

The doctors took his latest history… as we described how he had just seemed to fall apart over the last 2-1/2 months…

Describing his hurting… his restless legs… jerking so bad… weakness…

To bring this to the conclusion …

They immediately started giving him bloodHis levels were so low

causing his heart attack… causing his brain to slow down… causing his pain …

Then discovered his iron levels were depleted…

Iron was infused…

Tests with many discussions between us and the doctors were started…

ruling out areas one after the other…

until…

after a colonoscopy test …they discovered a mass…

A mass in his colon… and when I was told… “We are sure it’s cancer”… my heart sunk…

my mind trying to wrap around this information… as I watch him sleeping from the anesthetic…

What do I do???

Who do I call???

How am I going to tell him this news???

Prayer was all I knew I could do…

Praying to God for him to work his ways…

Knowing this could go many ways…

I realize we are not immune to tragedies… to sickness… to disease…

I was standing there beside him as he opened his eyes…

and immediately he asked what they found…

My face probably was saying a lot!…

We had the “what” answered…

as to what was causing him to grow so sick…

The cancer absorbing his blood… iron… making him so weak… hurting…

Now…What are we going to do!…

How bad is it???

How did this happen???

Why???

Could it be treated???

Could it be removed???

I want answers!…

So…

as of Monday we will be having surgery to remove the cancer (yes, it was verified through biopsies)…

where it lay in his colon…

He has had 5 units of blood… 3 units of iron… hoping that will hold him until Monday morning… as he got to come home for a few days…

We needed that!…

They say it can be removed and the colon reconnected…

Oh, if it was that easy…

I will only feel relieved after surgery… when they say it has been removed… and we can start recovering…

We are feeling blessed by what they are saying… that it hadn’t spread…

that it was caught at this stage…

I dearly hope they are right!…

So… I sit here after being up since 3:30am… going over all of this…

the words said…

the things we have to do today…

the anticipation of Monday…

I hate that he has had to endure and hear this news…

It has about wiped me out… mentally and physically…

I can only imagine his thoughts…

So… YES!… I’m glad he is sleeping peacefully this morning…

for we have a long couple of weeks/months ahead…

 

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20 thoughts on “Sleep Peacefully… My Love!

  1. Lord God, Holy Spirit, Giver of All Light,
    Bless and Keep All Those of This World.
    Grant Us Your Peace, Your Light, Your Love.
    Grant Us Complete Renewal of Body, Mind and Spirit –
    Continual Rebirth in Newness of Life.
    Let Your Light Shine Upon Us and Be Gracious to Us.
    Grant to Each and Every One of Us:
    Health, Comfort, Joy, Peace Within Ourselves,
    Peace Within Our Families, Peace Within Our Communities,
    and Peace among All those This World.
    Grant That I May Be an Instrument of Thy Peace.
    Grant That I May Radiate Thy Peace, Thy Light, Thy Love,
    Thy Healing, Thy Comfort, Thy Joy,
    to All Those Around Me and All Those in My Thoughts
    This Day and Ever More. AMEN.
    – Jonathan Lockwood Huie

  2. Dear Marilyn & Bobby,

    We just want to say that we are keeping you both close in our thoughts and prayers! We’re sending blessings of healing and promises of peace. May God be with you and bring you happier times ahead. Also please know that the hand of our friendship will always be near as you go through this difficult time.
    Love & God Bless,
    Andrea & Harris

  3. Oh my dear Marilyn, my heart goes out to both of you. I send you love and strength to get through this and will be thinking of you both on Monday as Bobby has his operation. Take care of yourself, it is very tiring being worried and caring for someone. May your God be with you.
    With love, Sally

  4. So sorry to hear you and Bobby are going through such difficult times. I hope Monday’s operation goes as well as possible and the news is good. Sending love and all best wishes xx

      • Thk you for finding time to reply, so glad surgery went well and there was no spread. I know your focus will be Bobby but it is important to make sure you have support for you too – caring is hard on the carer. If you can, do something nice for yourself to lift your spirits while Bobby is in hospital, even something small like a bubble bath : )

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