The Other Side!

As you can tell… my mood is swaying… Maybe I have a touch of what my son has…”Bi-polar”/ “Schizoaffective Disorder”…

He was diagnosed many years ago…

and with many meetings for ourselves as his parents… classes… reading… and actual contact with him every day…

it has been an enormous pressure on us… as his parents…

At times… you can not ask for the most caring… thoughtful… helpful person…

His kind heart is seen in his actions with complete strangers… and others…

But, since he has decided that medications are harming him… more than helping

another side emerges… k20357744

Not, a pretty side…

Full of fear k27194962… psychosis… anger… untrusting behaviors…

It is the most devastating disease I have encountered…

It is not physical… so no one can actually see his suffering…

k20100313

It is a mind game played out within his own head… with excerpts coming out…

Reality is lost!…

and his world … which is so ugly… and eats away at the goodness within him…

He sees and feels none of the damage…

We have learned the clues… the signs of what I call “episodes”…

My heart aches… actually throbs within my chest… when this happens…

I feel so useless… so hopeless…

I pull on all of the resources that I have learned over the past 44 years… His age as of now…

Yes… signs began very early!…

but, no one wanted to believe what I saw… or wanted to listen to such negative talk about one so young…

But, guess what…

there is no cure… so we grow up to be teenagers… young adults and then into a man…

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Medications do help… Our only help in this hell… that he suffers along with us!…

But, the side affects are sometimes… worse than the illness… some are turning these functional beings into zombies…s ome have dangerous repercussions…

and then some seem to work…

No, never cured!… only helped…

But, with rights of all humansHe does not have to take the medications…

and as the older he gets… he learns all of the ins and outs of the “system”…
It’s a love/hate relationship…

My heart aching for the one who says, “Mom!’…

and the hate for the one who seems demon possessed at times… wishing his life to end…

“On, no!”, you say… “how can you have such thoughts?”…”What kind of mother are you?”…

“Ask others in our predicament”, I say… I’m sure these thoughts have passed through their minds!

The demons k24026282 that I see taking my son’s life all of these years needs to be stopped!~…

and yes, prayer to God is constant!…

Every moment I breathe!… k13761313

for a life changing miracle…

 

 

 

 

 

 

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13 thoughts on “The Other Side!

  1. Such an honest and open post, Marilyn. I have a relative with the same disease, and it has been heartbreaking so many times. The Lord gives grace . . . that is what we depend upon for strength each day.

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