Heartfelt News!

This is not a Happy Post…

I come writing with such a heavy heart…

actually… a hurt that is not quenched with kind words, hugs, caring thoughts, visits, phone calls…

I love everyone who does all of these things and without I wouldn’t be able to pull it together …

I wouldn’t be able to put one foot in front of the other…

But, when I sit quietly… contemplating the words I have heard concerning my Bobby’s prognosis…

I shutter…

my stomach ties in knots… my heart breaks… the tears flow…

We had a scan done the 13th…

just a check up… a follow-up…

from taking Chemo for a year…

something was not right… and it had only been three months from last “good” scan…

After more blood work… and this scan…

Cancer has returned in another area…

and it is growing fast!…

and they sit and tell us as best they can…

that there is no cure…

treatments might give a little time... but, the stronger meds have really bad side effects…

Questions are running through our heads…

Decisions have to be made…

and we are entering into an actual losing battle…

Quality of life raises it’s head first in our thoughts… but, the will to live as long as we can… enters too…

Together… we always decide things together…

we opt for some treatments until not helping…

Port was replaced yesterday… for the drugs to be applied…

Long 5 hour days ahead… but, just once every other week… a bag taken home for two nights… and then removed… for a week…

same routine as we had just gone though…

but, this time our hearts are hurting with the knowledge of the inevitable…

My Bobby will pass…

My mind screams NO!…

We have hugged, kissed, held each other…cried….but, most importantly prayed…

Our goal to pray together each day…

and feel God’s love holding us and giving us some peace…

We have to talk…

we have things that need to be done…

Issues to be settled…

and as I have said… all decisions are ours to make together… as we have always done…

Oh…

the racing thoughts …

preparation…

finances…

selling the house???

how to spend our days…

Grandchildren to tell…

Knowing the last things that we will do together

We know we are not immune to heartache, loss, pain…

all suffer these things in life…

and knowing we have the Lord on our side… through this horrific part of life… is a Blessing in itself…

My Bobby is so sad… so heart-sick…

His thoughts are mainly about me…

and his sonsGrandkidssisters that love him and will be visiting soon from Georgia…

Friends/Family…

He sits in his swing outside… his favorite spot to hash out things that he has in his mind…

I am glad he has it…

I sit and write…

My release…

The kids hover…with not wanting to hear this…

offering to help and be by our side through it all…

We are Blessed!k13219157

 

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14 thoughts on “Heartfelt News!

  1. Dear Marilyn,

    I’m so saddened for you and your family. I know the devastation of Cancer far to well and I hate it more than anybody. My family and I pray for a cure everyday and it just can’t come soon enough. I wish there was something that I could do to ease your pain and Bobby’s suffering. Living through this ordeal makes you question everything.Just know you’re not alone and if I can help you in any way don’t hesitate to call.This is not an easy road to travel and there’s so much to think about. Just remember to enjoy your time together the best you can because tomorrow is never promised for any of us.
    Sending love, hugs and lots of prayers,
    Andrea

  2. Thank you for sharing these hard words, for not holding back your emotions, your pain, and your faith in a God who is good and wise though we do not understand His ways. Keeping you in prayer, Marilyn, you and Bobby.

  3. My heart breaks. It also goes back to how I felt when I knew I was losing my brother. I met you through my brother being ill. It is hard to find the positive in such sad days. I think about you and him every day and wonder, how are you two doing today……………You mean so much to me, if there is anything I can do for either of you, please let me know. In the meantime, i will pray

  4. Oh, Marilyn, my heart breaks for you both. I send you love and hugs across the ocean hoping there is small comfort in knowing that you are cared for. In times like this practical help is something I would usually do, make casseroles, be there. Please know how much you are thought of and about. With love to you both x x

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