When your “love” has been given the diagnosis… of terminal cancer…
you are first in shock…
then in denial…
then manage to reach out to your Faith…
and then you pull on all of the strength you have …
to make “them” feel as good as they can…
You put on a smile…
you laugh…
you hug every moment you can…
You attend to them without them even noticing the “care” you are putting into it…
BUT…
inside…
your heart hurts all of the time…
tears are there and hidden as much as possible…
you try to stay busy… and encourage them to do the same…
you decide who and what you are going to listen to…
and relish the concern of others who “really” care…
Visits are welcomed…
but, just the every day talks with neighbors, friends and family get you through…
It is hard for me to get dressed at times…
I find myself… in need of taking care of me…
I find myself not wanting to get out…
Home is my security…
safe… comforting and my happiness…
I notice my Jill (cat) has become so attentive to me…
evidently sensing my insecurities at this time…
she wants to be my side ALL of the time…
actually lies on me every chance she gets…
touches me with her paw…
gives me tiny licks “kisses”…
Our souls must be very deep with feelings… thoughts… connecting with our hearts until we hurt so bad… that it is hard to explain the deepening hurt within us…
I pray that I may stay strong…
That I may be true to my Faith in Jesus…
That I might not become a burden on my love as he is the one going through this…
I now know why it says you become “one”…
because that is what you become with your soul mate…
MKG- Memories-Keepsakes-Gifts 
You are strong, Marilyn, and you will continue to be strong. Sending Isle of Wight hugs and support. x
Thank you so much… Just a hard day…but, if I write what I feel… It helps!
It does always help to write it out. A couple of days ago I was very depressed and I wrote to a great friend (vicar and actor!) and it cleared my head no end.
Thinking of you!
You sound pretty much how I was when I was caring for my brother. God bless.
Oh Marilyn, so honest, so vulnerable, so transparent. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.