My Confidant

I awake to a little girl calling me…

My Jill is as sad as me…

She cries loudly…

I want to scream as loud…

We are so lost…

Our insides are wretched with pain…

How many tears can flow?…

Dropping from my eyes like heavy raindrops…

I ask…

How many thoughts can race through your mind?…

How much sleep can be taken?…

The longing for the touch of that someone who can’t…

My little girl hibernates in a box she found during the Christmas season…

HER refuge!…

My refuge is the night…

I pray…

To be able to make it through another day…

I wear myself out to get a moments rest…

I’m so tired of trying…

To put on a smile…

To hold my head up high…

To listen and see “couples”…

That I am not anymore…

So…

My old cat, my confidant in pain…

and I…

will scream our pain to each other…

WE feel the loss that we share…

Together…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “My Confidant

  1. It is so very difficult; I know. You will have these moments so expect them and have your cry. Realize this will pass and you will continue to live another day. One day you will smile and you will feel it. Look in the mirror. See the smile. Know that God has this and you will be alright. One big thing I do for my own healing is; helping others. I volunteer a few hours a week at a local non profit food and clothing business. It’s small, but it makes me feel worthy, wanted and loved.

  2. Terry is right. In ministering to others we receive back much more than we give. And keep on writing. It is a wonderful outlet for your emotions even if no one ever reads some of what you write. I went through a very difficult time years ago (nothing like losing a spouse) and the only way I could pray was to write down my emotional roller-coaster feelings in a journal. Before that I had never kept a prayer journal. Once I was free of the spiritual battle, I was able to go back and read the pages I had written. I copied and saved specific parts and they are now in my newly-published book Shadows in My Valley. I am hoping that others will be helped and encouraged by it. You may be able someday to do something similar.

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