I Screamed…

greyscale photography of woman wearing long sleeved top

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Talk about depression…

OH, LET’S NOT!

Tired of the word…

Tired of feeling that way…

Tired of saying it…

Tired of hearing about it…

Tired!…TIRED!…TIRED!

My life has to change…

What’s BAD…

is that it did just that!…

SO… now it’s up to me to change it again…

I didn’t ask for this job…

BUT…

Only ME…

will be able to do it…

My beginnings in doing just that are…

  1. Began blogging again
  2. When people asked me,” How are you ?”…

I began to tell them the truth…

“It’s awful!”…

“It sucks!”…

“It hurts!”…

“There is nothing like it in the world!”…

I think they were quite surprised except for a few very close friends…

that these words were coming from my mouth…

3. I had lost weight… about 40 pounds…

On purpose?…

No!

Stress, anxiety and heartache can do this…

Glad?…

I’ll take weight loss anyway I get it…

Let’s be truthful!…

4. I heard exercise is good for my symptoms…

I began to walk… a mile a day…

I joined the YMCA again…

Got a trainer… helping me to set up a gradual program…

using different machines with weights…

Still walking a mile every other day now…

It does help…

5. I found a small church that meets my needs…

Good people…

Lord’s word…

Bible learned…

Meeting new people…

6. I am trying to erase a person I became unwillingly…

I was saying, acting, and trying to be anyone but, ME!…

GUESS WHAT?

It was horrible…

Degrading…

Painful…

Agonizing even…

I was losing people I loved… and cared about…

I was staying away from people who loved me…

I wanted to hibernate…

I was a person even I didn’t recognize…

7. I am going to be ME!…

Actually told that by a very good friend…

“Just be you!”…

Who was that…

Never again would I be the same…

Never again would I feel right again…

Never again would I be as happy…

Never again will I be loved in the same way…

That hurt the worse!…

I needed that so bad!…

8. I asked God to just take me one night…

Too weak to do it myself…

and knowing in my thoughts I wouldn’t…

I asked why?…

Knowing the answer…

I screamed…

Only one hearing me was my cat…

Who cared?…

Who could do anything for me?…

No one…

But, me… and my

Faithful Companion!…

MY GOD…

MY DEAR JESUS!…

The ONE who could calm my fears,

wipe my tears,

hold me tight,

give me answers,

and Bless My Hurtful Soul…

I still struggle daily…

but, know where, what and how my heart will begin to heal…

macbook pro on desk

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6 thoughts on “I Screamed…

  1. That’s wonderful that you will blog again! You’re on the right path. Exercise and church will be very good for you. Looking forward to seeing your talent in writing show up on your blog! God be with you!

  2. I agree. You are on the right path. What you have gone through isn’t something you get over. You are correct ….everything has changed and in time you will change as well. Hang in there. I am glad you are blogging again…. you can let us know your feelings.

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