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Energizer Bunny Losing Power…

I have found that even “My Energizer Bunny” Bobby…
is evidently running low on power…
His batteries are weak…
New chemo has brought bouts of violent vomiting…
weakening him so much…
Can’t eat…
Can’t relax…
Can’t sleep…
Mentions pain in stomach…
With chemo being changed…
once a week every 3rd week…
no pump to take home…
one drug that was breaking him out so bad…
effecting his eyes, nose…skin… taken off…
I am seeing the photo developing…
I am trying to let the boys know… what I feel…
They want to dismiss the facts I can tell…
and I would too…
but, I will have to be the strong one I know…
It’s a terrible feeling of standing watching someone you love so much…
suffering…
I pray we can make the Honor Flight this weekend…
a “good closure” to my Bobby’s life…
coming full circle from the time we met over 48 years ago…
I see the Glory of an Almighty God that has held us when we cried…
listened to our prayers… and answered with time to get some things done…
we will continue to move forward …
we never lose Hope…
for each moment shared will help me to have the strength for the next chapter in my life…
and Bobby to leave this Earth to a Heavenly Home that is free from disease and pain…
thank you Jesus…
I have felt your presence daily…
Amen…

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Sadness…


Sleeping pattern is lost… awaking at 2:00am… maybe 4:00am…
I am moving slower… that not caring feeling of really doing anything…
I don’t get things finished… Actually I don’t even get things started!…
If I had my way…
I would be in my pajamas all day…
Napping has become a ritual… when I never did that before…
Interest in things is forced…
I’ve neglected things that use to bring me joy…
I have a stack of movies that I thought I would watch… but, concentration so low… They just lay there…
A new book I was going to read… lies on the nightstand… only a couple of pages read…
With the news that Bobby’s cancer is growing…
I just cry almost instantaneous… over the slightest thing…
I barely can put one front in front of the other…
I feel I just want to give up…
My soul is hurting so bad…
I think when you are so close to someone you love…
when they hurt…
feel sad…
are enduring their own suffering…
We take on their heaviness too…
Wanting to ease their sadness…
Their loneliness in knowing that death is creeping upon them…
You want to release them from all of the worry…
the strength they use to have is being replaced by your own…
making you weak…
I look to God for MY strength…
asking HIM to help me in this time of an inner hurt that passes all understanding…
Only my Lord can actually feel what I am enduring…
SO…
through prayer… and a pleading heart…
I reach out my hand to His…
and ask for His grace…
to forgive me of my weakness…
and lift me up to continue this journey… as long as it is with us…
To show me His LOVE… that surpasses our understanding…
Jesus…
Just heed my prayer…
AMEN

Keeping Busy…

Keeping busy is the best way we have found to keep our minds off the subject of Bobby’s cancer… Especially the diagnosis…

 

We come up with places to go and things to do…

Well… I do!…

Saw this idea of making a bench from two wood chairs…

so, after looking a couple of places, I found two at a Peddler’s Mall that my son and I frequent…

They were¬†old, painted blue and had a Patriotic theme…

But, I knew they would work with my Bobby’ s magic touch and my ideas!…

We do good together!… Creating things and taking care of our home…

I had no idea whether I would sell this bench or keep it…

As of now… I am trying to find a place for it…

but, would sell if someone really wanted it…

I am on the hunt for two more chairs…

but, I am particular with sturdiness, type and design…

Bobby took seats off… And connected the chairs with a brace between them…

I washed and sanded where needed… And spray painted a royal blue color… Just seemed right after seeing them a shade of blue to begin with…

Bobby then cut 1/2″ board for seat… Padded it with foam… And covered with material I had picked up months ago… that was a super bargain at my favorite thrift store!…( staple gun for this worked great) with Bobby’ s strength…

He screwed on seat ( with new screws)… that went quite easily…

The pattern in the material was perfect I thought… which can be shifted to form different designs…

The colors are rich… And brought out the blue painted wood color perfectly…

With so many bright, rich colors in the fabric I can paint the next bench another color and change the look totally!

 

Kit Kit decided she liked it and took her nap on it right after finishing it…

That showed me it was a good project!

 

 

 

This entry was posted on August 24, 2017. 2 Comments

A Sip of Sweet Milk…


Cereal has been our choice for breakfast lately…
Bobby likes plain cereals… Corn Flakes every time would be OK with him…
He does add a half of banana or a few frozen blueberries…
I on the other hand have to admit… to liking sweet cereals …
Frosted Flakes…
Lucky Charms…
Honey Nut Cheerios…
even Captain Crunch at times…

My Jill (cat)… likes my choices too…

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She sits beside me and waits for her bite of Sweet Milk…
One bite…sipping slowly and licking her whiskers afterwards…
and then she is through!…
I think we learn from animals sometimes…
I think we all need a sip of sweetness sometimes…
I call them those little blessings that just seem to appear…

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a card from a friend…
peaches and grapes from a neighbor…
candy and sweet basil from another neighbor…
a hug and a kiss from your husband while walking through the house doing chores…

My kitty even gives me hugs and wet kisses at times as she climbs upon me to be held…
I am very in tune with these sweet sips lately…
I hope you will notice when they happen too!

Blessings Come in Many Ways…

Blessings come in many ways… and in many shapes…
People…
Presents…
Words…
and of course “GOD”…
Since my Bobby has been diagnosed with Terminal Cancer…
Our Blessings have been flowing around us…
“Overflowing”… actually…
I feel God knows I will have an exceptionally hard time when he is taken…
so I have been surrounded with the most caring… loving group of people…
To name each one would be impossible…
I share this in that I hope they will know by my words… and actions…
how grateful my heart is…
Blessings came in comforting words as I cried on some’s shoulders…
Blessings came in the form of cookies…
a sweetness that was devoured…
with the love that they were sent…
Blessings came with visits…
at just the right moments… just out of the blue…
Blessings came in acts of actual work… helping us when unable to go that day…
Blessings came from notes…
like a stone with sweet words of HOPE written on it…
Blessings of hugs… and sweet faces… that make you smile…
Blessings of phone calls… some daily… some with just the words…”how ya doing?”…
Blessings of chats… sitting and just letting each other’s words flow…
Blessings of a lunch… pizza… donuts… jam… something sweet…
Blessings of gifts… Thoughtful and memorable…
Blessings of laughter among tears…
and just laughter of things we do that is silly…
Blessings of friendships that have lasted for decades… that even as we are older… we still have a bond…
Blessings from a pet that feels my heartaches and purrs me to calmness… with her tiny rough kisses on my cheek…
Blessings of little faces that come for treats and a “Thank You” on their lips…
If God has shown me anything through this trial…
It is that HE never forsakes us…
He leads others to bid HIS LOVE in so many ways…
Thank you Jesus!

Thoughts In My Mind…

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When your husband is told they have little time to live…
all kinds of thoughts run through your mind…
Disbelief…
Heartache…
Anger…
The why, the when, the where, the how…
WHY? … Cancer…
When? … No real answer… maybe a year… maybe longer…
Where?… Home or hospital…
How… Painfully or peacefully? …
Disbelief that the Doctors have read the scans wrong!…but, NO… They keep telling us it's true…
Heartache never leaves…
shifts from sad days… to good days to back to bad…Very surreal…
Anger with God… I can honestly say NO at this time…
Anger more of this disease that no cure has been found…
but, I don't hold God responsible for our pain… If anything I praise Him for the comfort He gives to me and my Bobby when we get down…
As a child of God… I know I am not immune to health issues, pain or sorrow…
but, I also know He brings me comfort , peace and joy…
I have not the answers to the questions of why my Bobby…or
why at this time…
I do know that in a blink of an eye things can happen…
So… I try to fill each moment with as much goodness as possible…
fixing good food …
keeping our home clean…
laughing…
joking…
being as generous as our budget can sustain…
having kind words and deeds for our friends, neighbors and family…
seeing the joy in the little ones who knock on our door for a popsicle or other treat…
sitting until midnight with neighbors in our front yard… talking of the things that are on our minds… Some good… some bad… some fun… some laughable…
sitting close without a word next to my Bobby…
and then going our separate ways to churn our thoughts in our minds…
As good as being together…
Moments of solitude can be helpful too…
We try to stay on task…
with repairs…
Spiffing up a few things for the sale of our home if need be…
Making sure insurance is up to date…
Taking note of where things are… to be able to lay my hands on quickly…
Making decisions that my Bobby has requested…
and will be carried through…
Reminding the boys that although we seem fine…
their Daddy will be leaving us …
and I will change…
I will probably need them more than ever…
but, I also will make decisions they might not like…
When this plate is handed to you…
you wake with it…
you go to sleep with it…
EVERYTHING you do has the backdrop of this… sometimes in full color and sometimes in black and white…
As much as you grow and learn…
there are times your heart aches with a pounding in your chest of such dread…
and the dam that you have been shoring up…
bursts with a flow of tears like it will never stop…
and as you can see by my writings…
Your mind is jumping from here to there…
from the present to the future in a blink of an eye…
in each breath you take…
I will rely on our God to keep us surrounded in His Loving Arms…
Keeping us in the knowledge that HE is with us…
and has prepared our way for this happening in our lives…
I will Praise His name and follow in His Grace that He brings to us…
so others will know the Love He has for them also… and His redemption was for all…
AMEN…

Blessed By Family/Friends…

I ordered me a new camera… an Olympus Digital…
I had used mine so much it was just plain wore out and then after dropping it…
it was never the same!…
Through Amazon I got this camera for only $2.02 …
On sale…
Had Discount points built up…
and Free shipping…
I was elated!…
I needed a good camera for photo taking when Bobby and I go to Washington DC on "Honor Flight"… in September…
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My cousin's husband and my Bobby have birthdays in July…
I made Peanut Butter Fudge for Jack and mailed…
From what I heard he REALLY LIKED it!…
simple recipe…
PEANUT Butter FUDGE
Boil 2-cups sugar + 1/2 cup milk for 2-1/2 minutes…
Add 1-cup Peanut Butter (smooth or crunchy) + 1=teaspoon vanilla…
stir together quickly and immediately pour and spread into buttered pan…(8" X 8")…
I made a double batch to make extra thick …
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Yesterday was a Blessed Day…
Visits from my sister…a niece and my oldest Granddaughter with her dog Dexter…
throughout the day…
Phone calls from a nephew… cousin…
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Porch time sitting with neighbors…and…
Neighbors walking over and bringing Huber Wine…
I feel the LOVE!