Growth of MY Redbud

When I was just a very young girl I brought home a Redbud Tree from school.

beautiful girl bench blur dress

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I imagine it was for Arbor Day. An organization for planting trees.
arbor day

I proudly carried “my” tree home and presented it to my Mother like I had won a great award.

I loved nature. Growing up on eight acres in the county.
We had an abundance of trees, flowers, bushes, woods and a running creek.

My Mother was as happy as me, and knew immediately it’s name.

She immediately picked a spot to plant “my” tree.

On a small hill, overlooking the lower part of our property.

green tree on green grass field under white clouds and blue sky

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She dug a hole.

Placed the roots in with care.

Pulled the loose dirt back over and watered it.

I believe I looked at my Redbud every day.

The process was slow. But, one day I could tell it had begun to grow.

beautiful bloom blooming blossom

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Tiny buds began to cover the small branches.

And now “Mother Nature” (God in all HIs wonder),

sent rain, warm days of sunshine and with the nutrients in the Earth,

growth began.

This is how we are when we first feel that Love of God coming into our bodies.

Like a Spring Day.

We feel the warm sunshine spreading to our limbs.

I think of that as God’s LOVE.

We feel our buds sprouting.

Our minds obtaining the words He left for us to guide our lives.

We feel the rain washing us clean.

As our sins are taken on Jesus’ shoulders.

We smile and burst forth with blooms, and people are in awe of our transformation.

green tree photo

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As I was,

watching my Redbud Tree establish it’s roots and bloom in all it’s glory on that small hill.

What a beautiful sight!

References-

1 Peter 1:5

Colossians 1:10

2 Peter 1:3-15 (Growth In The Faith)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted on March 1, 2019. 5 Comments

My Lord Leads

I attend and have joined a small church, Cardinal Hill Baptist Church in Louisville, KY.

My way of giving to my church?  I  prayed for that leading quite a while.

To be active in a church setting, I feel the giving of yourself has to be something you totally enjoy.

My talents that God has given me consists of writing, art (painting and drawing) and hospitality… In the sense of decorating, organizing events, welcoming visitors.

I love having company in my home.

My writings stem from the loss of my husband of 49 years this last April 29, 2018.

and my way of finding Peace again.

I am hoping you enjoy my writings from a member’s perspective.

by, Marilyn Griffin

When I was in Elementary School we could still read from the Bible and say the Pledge of Allegiance to the American Flag.

white and red flag

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I was not taken to church but, I could go freely with my friends.

I was asked one day as was typical in our classroom to read a verse from the Bible.

I was almost petrified to do so, being a shy little girl.

But, even then, the Lord was leading me to become a child of His.

I opened the Bible and this verse was presented to me.

English Standard Version

Matthew 4:4

sliced bread beside wheat on table

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But He answered…

“It is written, “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”

Did I understand the meaning…

Not sure.

but, I certainly do now…

Because the words God left with us to help  guide and teach us lead only to the best for us.

I have accepted His word for Truth…

but, it took me over 25 years to do so.

I was already married with two small sons.

I have my husband to thank for this.

He talked of God as his best friend and my husband’s mannerisms’ attested to his goodness and love for all.

I knew when God called me.

I remember the moment, what I heard Him say and where.

Yes, I heard His still quiet, calming voice say, “Give her time”…

I took that to mean, time to get up, grasp what was happening and make my way to the alter of a church we had been attending.

When this happens, it is something you never forget…

but, it’s just the beginning of a learning processorchestrated by Jesus…

and I knew then, “Who I Was!”

A child of a Heavenly Father

calm sky

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Abiding in HIM, living in a family of Believers

Looking forward to HIs return and the life He was giving me

Confidence, to tell others of what Jesus did for me

No shame. Happy to be a part of such amazing grace.

I read and read the Bible at this point, awed by the beauty and wisdom in black and white lettering accented in red with the words of the Christ who awakened me into such delight.

References-

Luke 19

John 17:14

First Peter2

First John 2:28

First John 3

Romans 6:20, 5:8, 5:6

 

to be continued…

mkg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted on February 25, 2019. 2 Comments

Common Ground

I was asked to lead a Woman’s Bible Study.

Ironic in that I, myself am trying to improve my faithfulness in doing just that,

reading and learning more about God’s word.

This year is my commitment to improve my learning of what God left in a form of writing, the Bible, His Holy Word.

Yes, it may have been written down by men, but was heard by them when God spoke.

The intelligence of our Creator is mind-boggling to us humans.

The perfection, the wisdom, the directness and the teaching.

bible book business christian

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He leads us through this “Special Book”. Telling the story of how we were created, choices we made, people who were actually there and the hardships endured by following this righteous way.

So, today I will meet with however many ladies are able to come.

We are meeting at a fast food restaurant.

Common ground for all.

We will fellowship by having a coffee or coke and maybe a bite to eat.

I will then present what God has laid on me to relate to these sweet ladies.

And He does speak to me.

So I will hurry now and get dressed.

woman in grey jacket sits on bed uses grey laptop

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Pajamas are not the attire that would be acceptable at Burger King.

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Today being the first day, went well.

Few in number but, good conversation and discussion.

We ate a lite breakfast to awaken our senses.

Thankful for the food we were provided.

The lesson I chose was from one of my favorite devotional books,

“Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young.

It talks of being in God’s Presence.

Letting God take charge of the day.

He teaches us to walk purposely with Him, taking one step at a time instead of bolting into the day like a racehorse that was suddenly released from the gate.

We are to remember to be thankful for each blessing we encounter.

Big or small.

We talked of even thanking God for a good parking space.

There are so many blessings showered on us daily.

Being grateful fills our hearts with positive thoughts and protects us from negative thinking.

white bird flying under the blue and white sky during daytime

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Picture your prayers and petitions being winged into Heaven.

An awesome sight!

Colossians 4:2

I Thessalonians 5:18

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted on February 25, 2019. 4 Comments

and at the end of the day… I was Blessed!

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My Bobby passed away on April 29, 2018…

Today, February 1, 2019…

we would have been married for 50 years…

AS I stated on FACEBOOK today…

He tried to stay with me until we could celebrate this landmark together…

but, God called him home 10 months earlier…

So…

today I was desperately sad…

and cried…

and wished for him…

But, for such a sad day…

I was gifted with an early morning invite for coffee from a great friend…

I got numerous phone calls…

I took my walk outside…

I was hand delivered a thoughtful, caring card from a neighbor…

I was told “I love you” from my sister, cousin and older friend David…

I had a long visit with interesting conversation with my great friend I mentioned earlier…

I was asked about my well-being from other neighbors and my mailman…

I made meatloaf and fried apple pies…

that were delicious…

I read my devotional and Bible… which brings me strengthening words…

I can say as the evening comes to a close…

I was Blessed…

 

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted on February 1, 2019. 4 Comments

I Screamed…

greyscale photography of woman wearing long sleeved top

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Talk about depression…

OH, LET’S NOT!

Tired of the word…

Tired of feeling that way…

Tired of saying it…

Tired of hearing about it…

Tired!…TIRED!…TIRED!

My life has to change…

What’s BAD…

is that it did just that!…

SO… now it’s up to me to change it again…

I didn’t ask for this job…

BUT…

Only ME…

will be able to do it…

My beginnings in doing just that are…

  1. Began blogging again
  2. When people asked me,” How are you ?”…

I began to tell them the truth…

“It’s awful!”…

“It sucks!”…

“It hurts!”…

“There is nothing like it in the world!”…

I think they were quite surprised except for a few very close friends…

that these words were coming from my mouth…

3. I had lost weight… about 40 pounds…

On purpose?…

No!

Stress, anxiety and heartache can do this…

Glad?…

I’ll take weight loss anyway I get it…

Let’s be truthful!…

4. I heard exercise is good for my symptoms…

I began to walk… a mile a day…

I joined the YMCA again…

Got a trainer… helping me to set up a gradual program…

using different machines with weights…

Still walking a mile every other day now…

It does help…

5. I found a small church that meets my needs…

Good people…

Lord’s word…

Bible learned…

Meeting new people…

6. I am trying to erase a person I became unwillingly…

I was saying, acting, and trying to be anyone but, ME!…

GUESS WHAT?

It was horrible…

Degrading…

Painful…

Agonizing even…

I was losing people I loved… and cared about…

I was staying away from people who loved me…

I wanted to hibernate…

I was a person even I didn’t recognize…

7. I am going to be ME!…

Actually told that by a very good friend…

“Just be you!”…

Who was that…

Never again would I be the same…

Never again would I feel right again…

Never again would I be as happy…

Never again will I be loved in the same way…

That hurt the worse!…

I needed that so bad!…

8. I asked God to just take me one night…

Too weak to do it myself…

and knowing in my thoughts I wouldn’t…

I asked why?…

Knowing the answer…

I screamed…

Only one hearing me was my cat…

Who cared?…

Who could do anything for me?…

No one…

But, me… and my

Faithful Companion!…

MY GOD…

MY DEAR JESUS!…

The ONE who could calm my fears,

wipe my tears,

hold me tight,

give me answers,

and Bless My Hurtful Soul…

I still struggle daily…

but, know where, what and how my heart will begin to heal…

macbook pro on desk

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7.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted on January 13, 2019. 6 Comments

My Confidant

I awake to a little girl calling me…

My Jill is as sad as me…

She cries loudly…

I want to scream as loud…

We are so lost…

Our insides are wretched with pain…

How many tears can flow?…

Dropping from my eyes like heavy raindrops…

I ask…

How many thoughts can race through your mind?…

How much sleep can be taken?…

The longing for the touch of that someone who can’t…

My little girl hibernates in a box she found during the Christmas season…

HER refuge!…

My refuge is the night…

I pray…

To be able to make it through another day…

I wear myself out to get a moments rest…

I’m so tired of trying…

To put on a smile…

To hold my head up high…

To listen and see “couples”…

That I am not anymore…

So…

My old cat, my confidant in pain…

and I…

will scream our pain to each other…

WE feel the loss that we share…

Together…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted on January 11, 2019. 5 Comments

Grieving TWICE… NO Picnic!

I get asked all of the time…

“How are you doing?”…

My husband died April 29, 2018… after 49 years of marriage…

8 months ago…

“How am I doing?”…

AWFUL!

TERRIBLE!…

HORRIBLE!…

IT absolutely sucks!…

I cry all of the time…

I don’t eat…

I don’t sleep…

My mind stays in a tumbled mess…

I have done things I would NEVER do in my life…

I’ve lost a great friend…

He helped my husband and myself when Bobby got cancer…

almost 4 years now…

After Bobby passed he kept helping…

I was weak…

needy…

lost…

and this neighbor friend was going through a loss too…

His girlfriend of many years and her two grandsons left him…

and he was devastated…

We began talking and spending a lot of time together…

He had stated many times…

He wasn’t getting involved… with anyone…

FRIENDS was the word I heard over and over…

but, I fell… hook, line and sinker as they say…

Head over heels in love with him…

I tried to NOT have the feelings that built up in me… but, a time came that it came from my lips how I felt…

He was having none of that…

and with the words spoken…

you would think I would (could) back off…

but, NO…

I was not able to…

I tried so hard…

I went over all of my feelings and why I was having them…

Didn’t help…

He started to drift away…

ME… saying, I would accept him as a friend…

NO luck on my side…

The least bit of attention he gave me…

had me wanting him more…

Evidently a woman sees things in such a different manner than a man…

and especially one used to having a man dote on her… love her with all of his might… and show her constant affection for so long…

He was angry!…

and shifted attention to another lady in neighborhood…

and the worst “green-eyed monster” (jealousy) rose its head from within me…

I could not believe who I had become myself…

although he saw no part in this that he played…

Just being a kind friend…

a hug… a kiss good night… bringing dinner to share… helping me with all kinds of projects…

All my fault?…

I can not agree…

so…

as of now…

I am not talking or seeing him…

lying low as possible…

although he wanted to be “friends”… again…

I think that’s where all of this started…

and I seem to be the only one hurting…

I will mend…

although I wasn’t sure I would survive…

Grieving twice in these last eight months is NO PICNIC!…

so… BEWARE of men offering comfort and “friendship”…

IT HURTS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted on December 30, 2018. 2 Comments

Never the OLD ME Again…

greyscale photography of woman wearing long sleeved top

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6 months will pass in a few days…

I have found myself burying my grief deep inside…

I would cry all of the time if I didn’t…

I am so lonely…

although my wonderful friend has been a blessing…

He lifts me up whenever I feel blue…

Silliness, talking (lots of talking), coffee in the morning,

a hug at night…

My home has lost it’s pizzazz…

WE had it all…

Love, a good marriage, best friends, knew each other’s next word…

Touch is what I miss worse…

sometimes no words were needed…

funny jokes…

a certain grin…

my handyman…

loved cooking breakfast for my man…

I can’t eat BBQ, fish, grits with butter, salt and pepper…

Unexpected hugs… and kisses…

You think you are through grieving…

but, actually it only gets worse…

I have delved into painting my kitchen…

almost done…

My living room area next…

I have a lot to do…

and know change is the only way to get me back…

I have lost 27 pounds…more to go…

I have styled my hair different… Love it…

I’ve started some exercises…

all of the above drastically needed…

My kids are good to me…

helping when needed…

and my Grandkids bring smiles to my face whenever I get to see them…

My kitty Jill…

talks loud to me all of the time…

if not in my arms like she is comforting me…

I like my alone time sometimes…

I can watch a movie, read and lately I sketch…

My mind gets lost in doing that!…

I read my devotional daily… and Bible to keep me on the right path…

Lunch with a friend from High School is about every 3 weeks…

WE can do a lot of talking too…

Good for both of us…

We have our favorite restaurant that serves French breakfast or lunch…

and the best muffins…

I have failed my blogging friends in keeping up with their news…

I seem to be changing my old habits in for new ones…

Their friendship NO… what a blessing they gave me…

I see myself as a kind of recluse…

My mind resonates with memories that I try to shut out…

I know it’s early…

but, at times to me it seems forever…

I have a cousin that talks long distance every day…and a sister close that does the same…

They keep me sane…

and let me run off my mouth without acting bored…

I will survive…

but, I may never be my old self…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted on October 25, 2018. 4 Comments

Painting “Kitchen”

person holding paint roller while painting the wall

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I haven’t written in a while…

Trying to keep busy as possible…

Our home had been neglected in the last three years…

Had worked on outside when Bobby passed…

Now… inside is priority

Kitchen… my favorite room…

needed painting bad…

 

New lights suggested by my neighbor who helps me so much…

They look awesome! … and so much brighter…

I hadn’t realized how dirty everything was…

how faded…

just worn out…

wallpaper removed…

wood sanded…

caulking…

it is hard work…

 

Finally got to point of painting above the wainscoting that is on bottom half of kitchen…

My neighbor to the rescue again…

Would have been more ahead of the game if the guy at Home Depot had mixed my color right…

He actually didn’t put the color tint in my paint at all…

my light gray was “white”…

me, wondering why it just didn’t look right… duh!

so taking paint back…

getting a new gallon of the right color… I began again…

As I was actually struggling at this point…

My best friend who usually comes to my rescue…

came in and immediately began painting…

I ended up being his “runner”…

“hand me this person”

“moving things and looking for any defects”

which there are few…

pretty much a perfectionist…

and FAST!

“rinse towel out”

“wipe up any drips”

He whips it out in no time…

I’m good at clean up… I decided…

Probably the position I need to stick to…

I am going to try to paint wainscoting today…

a darker gray…

We decided on a different darker shade of gray for chair rail…

Do I want to paint?… of course not!…

But, I will…

Has to be done… and I am so ready for this project to be done…

Oh, yeah!… forgot to say…

I am going to paint my kitchen cabinets also…

“Glutton for punishment”… you say…

but, something that needs to be done…

and will make kitchen look so much better…

My budget is very limited as you can tell…

but, so grateful for where I am…

I’m able to keep my home…

and the work needed will get done…

My sons have been good to help… but, my “go to” is my best friend neighbor…

He has kept me focused…

made me laugh and smile

and reassured me… I will be OK!…

and that “All is good!”…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted on October 11, 2018. 6 Comments

To Live Again…

photo of sunflower

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I see Sunflowers still…

so vividly in places unexpected…

I feel my Bobby’s presence…

probably making sure I’m alright…

wanting to take care of me…

not wanting me to get hurt…

A good thing for me…

feeling his love still…

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Taking wallpaper off my kitchen…

NOT FUN!…

but, is an achievement…

After Bobby passed I was so bad physically and mentally…

gaining weight…

not caring what I wore…

“I”… had ceased to exist really…

Time was centered on my Bobby…

Appointments…

Chemo treatments and scans…

and then 3 years had passed…

and my every moment was totally in “care” mode to make him as comfortable as possible…

Not one moment would I take back…

I totally adored my LOVE…

and to care for that person is ultimate…

But, now…

I am feeling myself coming back…

like I have had a good fresh drink of water…

given a little fertilizer…

and pampered back to the living…

I feel my body responding with more energy…

my mind clearing…

actually thinking for myself and seeing me blossom a little as the flowers do with the care the Lord shines down on them…

I feel the Lord has put special people in my life lately…

showing me I will make it…

making me smile and laugh again…

feeling my God’s loving arms around me…

taking my hand and leading me forward…

I pray every day for my Jesus to guide me on the right path…

I lean on Him more now than ever…

I’m a vulnerable creature…

Heartache and pain can do this…

but, each time I pray…

the answers are as clear as bright sunshine on water…

clouds dawn lake landscape

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So…

I will be led by Him…

and learn to grow in another direction…

the future for my life…

a wonderful newness…

and with determination I will get the wallpaper off…

stand tall… breathe…

and wait for the next project and adventures of this new journey…

some small accomplishments and…

some joyous in discovering “me” again…

 

 

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted on September 5, 2018. 7 Comments