Tag Archive | change

A Turn in the Road…

As I told a friend this morning…

Our road has taken a turn…

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The road to a long life together will be shortened…

We have had 47 years…

Not a short road by no means…

but, we had so many plans… in our minds…

things to finish…

things to visit…

things to do on our simple bucket lists…

But…

Life doesn’t work like we want all of the time…

Obstacles appear…

sometimes rocks… sometimes boulders…

sometimes hills… sometimes mountains…

sometimes creeks running slow… meandering along green pastures…

sometimes floods… heavy rains come down in a downpour…

God has given us many signs to relate how his world works…

The birds… animals…

The nature of weather…

The land how it grows and re-seeds itself…

The plants/trees that grown strong and then return to the Earth to make new soil…

and then there is HIS greatest creation… US!…

The birth of innocence…

The active/spontaneous child…

The youngsters discovering new things…

The young adults finding their way and setting goals…

The adults deciding on marriage/family/careers…

It’s beautiful isn’t it!…

Amazing… the perfectness of it…

So…

as my Bobby and I see this turn in the road…

crossing over “our bridge”… k12890945

looking toward “our sunset”… k8447935

we know it must be God’s plan…

The questions we have…

Does it matter…

We believe in a Heavenly Father who knows us so well…

that has created us…

who has listened to us…

who has directed us…

so we know HE will sustain us…

encourage us…

give us strength we never knew we had…

help us with burdens we seem to have no control of…

lead us to the right decisions …

and most of all…

LOVE us and hold us in his arms…

Feeling the security of having HIM with us,,,

Thank you Lord…

 

 

Heartache of Change…

I have yet to get back in any kind if semblance to normal…

I think I am… but, when I think all of the time about decisions we have had to make…

when I can’t get myself in any kind of mode to try to help myself lose the weight I have gained these last months…

When I can’t make myself get out of the house… except when I have to…

It makes me wonder…

when will it happen!…

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I confess…

I miss my Doug so much…

YES!… I see him about 3 times a week…

but, it is not the same…

I hear the quietness in the house…

The feel of it…

I miss the sounds of him…

I probably even miss the bad days…

He seems well…

has a tale to tell usually of the other guys where he lives…

but, I also feel and hear the loneliness…

Doug is trying to decide if he wants to try to get an apartment…

Live on his own…

My being says NO!…

although I do understand that he wants “more” for his life…

maybe it will come…

Sometimes our small steps lead us to greater ones…

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and with thinking about the situation… and viewing the pros and cons…

Maybe the right decision will be made…

I explain some of the benefits of living where he is… and the many changes of living on your own…

Warmer weather and a few more months… may help us both…

Why is it that our minds know the right answers… but, our hearts hold the feelings k6003106 … emotions of pain… and heartache of change???

Dear Lord help guide us …

 

Live With Myself…

Since December 9th… our world has turned upside down…

Having to get my son psychiatric treatment was a battle…

but, with the Lord hearing my pleas… it happened…

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A week in a hospital… the details you would find horrendous!…

unless you have had to deal with this kind of illness in your life…

Fighting to find my son a place to stay… without being put in a homeless shelter…

Heart wrenching just writing about it!…

It seems as if it’s been forever in this changing situation… and yet it has only been weeks…

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My heart hurts now with the decision of never letting your son come home to live again…

I doubt that death could be much worst… after having him all 44 years of his life…

I hear the words of…

“You are doing the best thing”…

“This will be the best for him”…

“You will adjust”…

“He will adjust”…

“You are able to see him”…

“He can leave for short periods of time on his own”…

From my perspective…

“Have I failed him as a Mother?”…

“Could I have done more???”…

“Have I made the right choices?”…

“Is this the best for him?”…

“Will he be able to adjust?”…

“Will he blame me for this horrible disease?”…

that has taken his life away from him?…

“Will his Dad be able to cope with not having his son around to joke with…

to hang out with…

to have conversation and debates with?”…

“Will the tears ever stop?”…

“Will the sleepless nights quit?”…

No matter what others say…

I miss him!…

I miss even the battles!…

I don’t wake without my thoughts racing through all of the events in a lifetime that has led us here…

YES!… I hurt… and yet I know only time will help… only acceptance of this major change will help…

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I pray in a year from now… I can see some positive results from this decision…

and then maybe… just maybe… I can live with myself…