Tag Archive | heartache

Thoughts In My Mind…

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When your husband is told they have little time to live…
all kinds of thoughts run through your mind…
Disbelief…
Heartache…
Anger…
The why, the when, the where, the how…
WHY? … Cancer…
When? … No real answer… maybe a year… maybe longer…
Where?… Home or hospital…
How… Painfully or peacefully? …
Disbelief that the Doctors have read the scans wrong!…but, NO… They keep telling us it's true…
Heartache never leaves…
shifts from sad days… to good days to back to bad…Very surreal…
Anger with God… I can honestly say NO at this time…
Anger more of this disease that no cure has been found…
but, I don't hold God responsible for our pain… If anything I praise Him for the comfort He gives to me and my Bobby when we get down…
As a child of God… I know I am not immune to health issues, pain or sorrow…
but, I also know He brings me comfort , peace and joy…
I have not the answers to the questions of why my Bobby…or
why at this time…
I do know that in a blink of an eye things can happen…
So… I try to fill each moment with as much goodness as possible…
fixing good food …
keeping our home clean…
laughing…
joking…
being as generous as our budget can sustain…
having kind words and deeds for our friends, neighbors and family…
seeing the joy in the little ones who knock on our door for a popsicle or other treat…
sitting until midnight with neighbors in our front yard… talking of the things that are on our minds… Some good… some bad… some fun… some laughable…
sitting close without a word next to my Bobby…
and then going our separate ways to churn our thoughts in our minds…
As good as being together…
Moments of solitude can be helpful too…
We try to stay on task…
with repairs…
Spiffing up a few things for the sale of our home if need be…
Making sure insurance is up to date…
Taking note of where things are… to be able to lay my hands on quickly…
Making decisions that my Bobby has requested…
and will be carried through…
Reminding the boys that although we seem fine…
their Daddy will be leaving us …
and I will change…
I will probably need them more than ever…
but, I also will make decisions they might not like…
When this plate is handed to you…
you wake with it…
you go to sleep with it…
EVERYTHING you do has the backdrop of this… sometimes in full color and sometimes in black and white…
As much as you grow and learn…
there are times your heart aches with a pounding in your chest of such dread…
and the dam that you have been shoring up…
bursts with a flow of tears like it will never stop…
and as you can see by my writings…
Your mind is jumping from here to there…
from the present to the future in a blink of an eye…
in each breath you take…
I will rely on our God to keep us surrounded in His Loving Arms…
Keeping us in the knowledge that HE is with us…
and has prepared our way for this happening in our lives…
I will Praise His name and follow in His Grace that He brings to us…
so others will know the Love He has for them also… and His redemption was for all…
AMEN…

Heartache of Change…

I have yet to get back in any kind if semblance to normal…

I think I am… but, when I think all of the time about decisions we have had to make…

when I can’t get myself in any kind of mode to try to help myself lose the weight I have gained these last months…

When I can’t make myself get out of the house… except when I have to…

It makes me wonder…

when will it happen!…

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I confess…

I miss my Doug so much…

YES!… I see him about 3 times a week…

but, it is not the same…

I hear the quietness in the house…

The feel of it…

I miss the sounds of him…

I probably even miss the bad days…

He seems well…

has a tale to tell usually of the other guys where he lives…

but, I also feel and hear the loneliness…

Doug is trying to decide if he wants to try to get an apartment…

Live on his own…

My being says NO!…

although I do understand that he wants “more” for his life…

maybe it will come…

Sometimes our small steps lead us to greater ones…

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and with thinking about the situation… and viewing the pros and cons…

Maybe the right decision will be made…

I explain some of the benefits of living where he is… and the many changes of living on your own…

Warmer weather and a few more months… may help us both…

Why is it that our minds know the right answers… but, our hearts hold the feelings k6003106 … emotions of pain… and heartache of change???

Dear Lord help guide us …

 

Unrequited love

I had missed some of the bloggers I had followed…

Decided it was time to reconnect…

Kellie Elmore’s Blog has been a means for me to try new avenues with her writing prompts…

Thanks Kellie…

https://magicinthebackyard.wordpress.com/

She has listed 29 prompts for the month of February…

The 11 th day is where I picked up… and it was titled “Unrequited Love…

Simple Definition of unrequited:

not shared or returned by someone else

 

“Unrequited Love”   by: Marilyn Griffin

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I looked his way…

with lowered eyes…

Hoping he would stay…

Feeling heart rate rise…

 

I had loved him…

from a distance far…

Loving never dim…

wishing on distant star…

 

Sometimes I felt his stare…

but, not as one he loved…

or would even care…

to make his beloved…

 

My mind would race…

to thoughts untold…

His lips I would trace…

Embraced with his hold…

 

But, to no avail…

my love was dimmed…

Love thoughts were pale…

Eyes with tears brimmed…

 

Not to be…

Unrequited love…

I set him free…

as a wistful dove…