I always wake up early…
Love the early morning… quiet!…
Tears are right there… and my Bobby can sense my feelings…
He holds me close… and reassures me…
I am with you now… and will be for a long time…
We hold each other… as I plant a kiss on his forehead…
I love you so much!… comes from my lips… and his too…
He has always been my refuge…
He is my strength…
and I thank God for this time!
We sat talking in the swing this morning… 
of neighbors… 
treatments of Bobby’s cancer…
our life…
yester years and now… 
family…
We looked out at our humble home with the yard we love and think of all we have done to make it our own…
we are pleased… 
but, always things need to be done…
Use to be wants…
now it is needs…
We are both content at these times…
wondering if the grandson would have a football game this evening…
thinking of both granddaughters and their achievements…
How proud of them we are…
The house can wait…
dishes will be done…
clothes will be washed/dried…
floors will be swept/mopped…
lunch will be cooked…
but, now we sit… 
holding hands… touching sholders…
We pray out loud…
me beginning…
with my Love of the Lord… 
thankfulness…
requests…
blessings for us and others…
but, when my Bobby prays…
I am in awe…
His love and reverence to God is amazing…
His truthfulness…
and desires are humble…
His love for others in worse conditions comes through…
asking forgiveness of any short-comings he has…
As we sit slowly swinging…
we feel a light drop of rain… but, we continue to pray… 
we can dry off later… and the washing of rain water is wonderful…
We look up and say “I think we have been anointed!”… 
by our Heavenly Father…
You might want to give this a try…
Blessings seemed to surround us…
Thank you Jesus!
When your “love” has been given the diagnosis… of terminal cancer…
you are first in shock…
then in denial…
then manage to reach out to your Faith…
and then you pull on all of the strength you have …
to make “them” feel as good as they can…
You put on a smile…
you laugh…
you hug every moment you can…
You attend to them without them even noticing the “care” you are putting into it…
BUT…
inside…
your heart hurts all of the time…
tears are there and hidden as much as possible…
you try to stay busy… and encourage them to do the same…
you decide who and what you are going to listen to…
and relish the concern of others who “really” care…
Visits are welcomed…
but, just the every day talks with neighbors, friends and family get you through…
It is hard for me to get dressed at times…
I find myself… in need of taking care of me…
I find myself not wanting to get out…
Home is my security…
safe… comforting and my happiness…
I notice my Jill (cat) has become so attentive to me…
evidently sensing my insecurities at this time…
she wants to be my side ALL of the time…
actually lies on me every chance she gets…
touches me with her paw…
gives me tiny licks “kisses”…
Our souls must be very deep with feelings… thoughts… connecting with our hearts until we hurt so bad… that it is hard to explain the deepening hurt within us…
I pray that I may stay strong…
That I may be true to my Faith in Jesus…
That I might not become a burden on my love as he is the one going through this…
I now know why it says you become “one”…
because that is what you become with your soul mate…
I had missed some of the bloggers I had followed…
Decided it was time to reconnect…
Kellie Elmore’s Blog has been a means for me to try new avenues with her writing prompts…
Thanks Kellie…
https://magicinthebackyard.wordpress.com/
She has listed 29 prompts for the month of February…
The 11 th day is where I picked up… and it was titled “Unrequited Love…
Simple Definition of unrequited:
not shared or returned by someone else
“Unrequited Love” by: Marilyn Griffin
I looked his way…
with lowered eyes…
Hoping he would stay…
Feeling heart rate rise…
I had loved him…
from a distance far…
Loving never dim…
wishing on distant star…
Sometimes I felt his stare…
but, not as one he loved…
or would even care…
to make his beloved…
My mind would race…
to thoughts untold…
His lips I would trace…
Embraced with his hold…
But, to no avail…
my love was dimmed…
Love thoughts were pale…
Eyes with tears brimmed…
Not to be…
Unrequited love…
I set him free…
as a wistful dove…
I don’t know that my mind has really grasped what is happening in our lives… 
Married for 46 years…
we have had our share of ups/downs…
Jobs… health issues… son with bi-polar… family situations…
but…
we are good! 
I think my Bobby and I have learned to take things pretty much in stride…
Yes… we have feelings that surface… 
But, knowing we both have our Faith… and facing reality head on…
makes our days better…
We don’t like what is happening…
we would like it to be different…
but, as I have always said, “We are not immune to life’s circumstances… some good…. some bad!”
We have always known that we have a special love…
A bond that holds us together with a touch…
a kiss on the cheek… 
a hug as we pass…
a kind word…
an “I love you”… at unexpected times… 
I hate the word…”cancer”…
Never wanted it to be in my little family…
but, it has reared it’s head recently …
Our follow-up visit to primary care doctor… was good…
A thorough check-up… vitals taken… and a look of incision… and listening to his heart…
Blood work drawn for labs… to check his levels…
and the doctor read and read over the reports concerning him on the computer…
I listened as I heard “STAGE 3″…
That didn’t sound too good…
Explained as well as she could what that meant…
Chemo needed… to address cancer slightly in lymph nodes… near where tumor was removed…
I read and reread what that meant…
Not good… not bad…
Criteria ranging from 5-10 years… in life expectancy…
That shakes me to my core…
because we keep hearing “5”…
What to do…
Getting him healthy as he can get right now…
where the Chemo will not drain him…
but, afterwards… “GOD WILLING”…
we will live our remaining years as best we can…
Will we make changes? … 
Some maybe… but, probably just live our lives as before… with a little more presence of making each day count for something!…
I leave my hopes…
my thoughts… 
my dreams…
in the Hands of God! 
1. 
I use my “green thumb” to… try and keep a few flowers growing from year to year that were my Mother’s… A Red Rose who I call “Booker”… which was the last name of her friend that had given it to her… It has now been 15 years… and some Jonquils that she gave me when we moved to our home… which has now 26 years ago…
2. 
The secrets to life are… accepting yourself… Expect from others, only what you are able to do yourself… Give of yourself daily in some way… Love and have respect for your mate… Accept the Grace that the Lord offers… Keep family close!
3. 
I get my money’s worth by… being thrifty in shoppping … planning ahead… being resourceful…
4. 
On a scale of 1 to 10, my level of organization is… never 100%… but, I can usually put my hands on most everything… Taking notes and keeping a calendar helps me immensely!
5. 
A gentleman always… treats a woman respectfully!
6. 
Handwritten notes are… are the best way to convey thanks, appreciation and thoughtfulness!… It gives the receiver a feeling of being truly appreciated with the time/effort put into them!
My oldest son turned 42 years old yesterday…
Doug … had the prettiest curly hair…
with brother and our special puppy, Sugar…
We had celebrated with our little family on Sunday evening…
Blowing out his ONE BIG CANDLE… beat putting 42 on the cake!
His Dad… me, his Mom… his brother… sister-in-law and his two nieces and nephew…
This is all he wants!
We are his world!
We make him happy!
walking in park with nephew…
so proud of niece graduating from High School…
His Dad has become his best friend… 
They kid a lot… telling corny jokes 
… play scratch tickets together… go to the River Boat Casino every now and then…
If his Dad needs a hand around the house … he is right there… with lots of advice!
but, he does know how to do so many things… has that knack of fixing things… redoing things…
He buys and sells on Ebay
for extra money… (he’s on disability) and does well at it…
He loves to collect items and knows what it’s worth by his investigating on the computer…
Yes, he is smart!… he is loving… he is a good son!…
Doug on right…
with Uncle visiting from Georgia… Rebellious years for sure!
I’m his partner in shopping at thrift stores… peddler’s malls…yard sales…
We have a common bond in loving older things… music… collectibles… movies…
He seems to have lots of confidence in me… although I’ve had to be the “mean” one at times… in discipline… pushing him forward… making him do for himself!
The neighbor lady calls him the “supervisor”… because he loves telling others how to do things… and has great confidence in his opinions…
Most people who know him… love him…
with cousin at her son’s wedding…
He has a natural ease in talking to all kinds of people…
especially people he feels has had a tough life…
I imagine he can relate!
You would never guess… he suffers from bi-polar disorder…
He shys away from certain people at times due to their scrutinizing him …
He doesn’t go to some places… too crowded… suffocates him and gives him anxiety…
Has a little paranoia… in what others think of him… what others may do… safety issues and doing right all of the time…
He would fight for those he loves with all of his might!
Family is what’s important to him!
He is concerned of his looks and has recently lost around 40+ pounds… Looking good!
Last Birthday… 3 months later at Christmas…
He is more content around me and his Dad…
He has become a wonderful person …
He loves his nieces and nephew above all things…
with Kennedy, Carson and Taylor…
Wants to do for them and wants them to succeed…
He’s achieved so much in his 42 years… more than he realizes… but, being his Mom I see the accomplishments…
Happy Birthday to my first-born… my Doug!
We lost one of our family members yesterday…
My sister’s husband…
He came into her life… I would say… in the perfect moment…
She had lost her first husband through death… brain tumor/heart… leaving her and her six children to be on their own… 
She was not alone… many family members embraced these kids and her…
Loving them with all of their heart…
They seemed to become part of my own …
My second little family…
Four girls… two boys… ranging in ages… I’m guessing here… from one in the Marines… so maybe 19… no, there were two already married… so maybe 20 or so… to one in elementary school… so maybe 5… maybe not in school yet…
So you see… so young… to have a daddy taken away…
But, my sister is a strong woman…
Working… making ends meet… staying in touch with her family and her Bert’s family…
Curtis came into her life with a grin… and a slight limp of a leg…
And we knew he had been smitten!… He adored her!
and took on the responsibility of being a Dad as best he could with rebellious teens and a woman who had lost the love of her life… her first husband…
Carolyn met Curtis at a Parent’s Without Partners dance… They were held weekly… and at that time… it was just to get out and be around others her age…
They were married after about of a year of on again… off again…
This would be a big decision on her part to make …
With six children… and a new man in her life…
Her mind was twirling…
But, they married… at one of her daughter’s homes… on Valentine’s Day…
Life has had so many directions… illnesses…kids…moving to a different home twice… his children accepting her…
But, it seemed their love began to grow more and more…
The kids came to acceptt him as their Dad… and the grandchildren that came.. knew only him as their Papa…
They clung to him… and loved him… with all of their being…
Curtis has been a very sick man for most of their marriage…
but, my sister has tended to his every need…
He has had to have an amputation of a leg…
heart trouble…and lately a lung disease and cancer…
There are no words to describe all she has had to do…
A strong woman… an understatement for sure…
There will be no regrets that she did her best by both husbands…
As a sister… we have talked much… we can get the day going through our conversations… no matter how hard!
As he lay dying in their home… she was still in charge…
making arrangements that had to be completed… talking to everyone who came in to say good-bye…
Talking to Hospice help as they arrived…
He went quickly… surrounded by much love… and his wife… who had become his life …
Peace to you Curtis in your new life in Heaven…
and peace to you my sister… as you pull it up again… and become yourself again…
Love,
Your Sister Marilyn
It’s Valentine’s Day, so write an ode to someone or something you love.
Bonus points for poetry!
I’m not a POET…
and you’ll soon KNOW IT!
but, here goes…
“Cupid‘s Arrow”
When Cupid’s Arrow hits you…
There’s no turning back…
Nothing you can do…
You just have to act.
It’s making your Heart …
Feel funny little things…
Never wanting to part…
The Love that it brings.
As I’m trying to write this… my husband walks in from the a Doctor’s visit with his gift to me…
The card makes me laugh…
you see why!
and the candy was so sweet…
since he knows I’m trying to watch eating such things… ha, ha!… watch it go in my mouth… more like it!
and yes!…they are actually stickers!
Love him to pieces!… my Bobby!
Gift…
As I read the poem 
I wrote about God‘s Love… it reminds me of Easter 
… God’s true love was his son, Jesus… who He knew had been born for redemption of our sins… What a burden He had to have had… to finish what He knew He had to do to get His people back in His grace… As that day approached… I know He had to be in agony… and when He heard His son asking, “Is there any other way?” 
… He must have felt as if his heart was breaking… His will had to be done… He had to sacrifice such a precious being… But, as the day of resurrection 
came after such a tormenting time… How ecstatic He must have been!… I remember my Salvation… Oh, what a burden was lifted as I felt the Spirit of God 
come into my body… I couldn’t praise 
Him enough… So if I get discouraged… if I get sad… if I get lonely… I draw on that Special Day… to keep me walking straight… to keep me smiling… to keep me having faith… I thank you Lord for that day! 
… That you saw me as a special child of yours 
… ready to return to You with Hope 
again!
The Love that God has given-
Comes to us so free-
It will never be taken-
It’s for you, as well as me.
“He” loves us all-
Yellow, Black or White-
Whether big or small-
“His” love is just right!-
“He” came from above-
To set us all free-
With abundance of love-
“He” will always be!
Just open your heart-
Let “Him” come in-
“He’ll” never depart-
Always a friend!
“He’ll” stay by your side-
Lifting you high-
Even when pride-
Has made you cry!
God’s love is so dear-
You’ll feel it inside-
And it will keep-
Your arms opened wide!
For those who in need-
That you see every day-
You’ll be able to plead-
For them as you pray!
For forgiveness of sin–
For those that are lost-
Their hearts can mend-
Through the “One” on the cross!
Jesus… He’s the “One”-
Who died for our sins–
“He” said, “It’s done!”-
The love of God wins!
By: Marilyn Kay Griffin – July 10, 1983 -mkg
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