Tag Archive | Prayer

Sadness…


Sleeping pattern is lost… awaking at 2:00am… maybe 4:00am…
I am moving slower… that not caring feeling of really doing anything…
I don’t get things finished… Actually I don’t even get things started!…
If I had my way…
I would be in my pajamas all day…
Napping has become a ritual… when I never did that before…
Interest in things is forced…
I’ve neglected things that use to bring me joy…
I have a stack of movies that I thought I would watch… but, concentration so low… They just lay there…
A new book I was going to read… lies on the nightstand… only a couple of pages read…
With the news that Bobby’s cancer is growing…
I just cry almost instantaneous… over the slightest thing…
I barely can put one front in front of the other…
I feel I just want to give up…
My soul is hurting so bad…
I think when you are so close to someone you love…
when they hurt…
feel sad…
are enduring their own suffering…
We take on their heaviness too…
Wanting to ease their sadness…
Their loneliness in knowing that death is creeping upon them…
You want to release them from all of the worry…
the strength they use to have is being replaced by your own…
making you weak…
I look to God for MY strength…
asking HIM to help me in this time of an inner hurt that passes all understanding…
Only my Lord can actually feel what I am enduring…
SO…
through prayer… and a pleading heart…
I reach out my hand to His…
and ask for His grace…
to forgive me of my weakness…
and lift me up to continue this journey… as long as it is with us…
To show me His LOVE… that surpasses our understanding…
Jesus…
Just heed my prayer…
AMEN

Just a Prayer…

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Dear Lord…

Ever since Bobby was diagnosed with terminal cancer… our lives have had a shadow hanging over them…

It is not good getting this kind of news… no matter how it is given…

We have tried so hard to be upbeat…”showing smiles when our hearts are breaking”…

We have tried to go about our usual routines…”but, nothing is “usual” anymore”…

We have tried going places and doing things with others… but, knowing these events may be the last of these kind of times together…

We stay strong for the kids… but, they cannot imagine the thoughts their Dad has in the middle of the night… or the tears that fall from my eyes as my heart breaks…

Every day we wake we are so grateful for the days we are still getting…

Every day we are able to be together is cherished…

My heart hurts so bad and is filled with aching for that feeling of contentment…

Contentment of thinking of the future with hope… goals… moving toward accomplishments…

When news is heard like we were told… Your little part of the world just seems to grind to a halt…

Plans to do things seem fruitless…

Questions bombard your mind…

When… Where… How long…???…

We really don’t question WHY?…

We know WE are not immune to this pain… and to happenings in life… Even death…

BUT, you just hate the feeling…

Prayer helps… and Lord… YOU keep us with your words I hear!…

YOU will never be blamed…

We have had so much Love…

Heartaches… too… but, our Love has sustained us through these things…

so I pray now… Dear Lord… that YOUR LOVE will sustain us through what the future days hold…

AMEN

 

“Praise BE!”

Some may wonder about my Bobby…

being told terminal…

and still going strong…

ATTITUDE!… and keeping GOING!… Active!…  seems to be the clue…

He is taking Chemo… much stronger with some side effects…

and for 2-3 days after coming off the pump… he is weak… no energy… and has gotten dry heaves… twice…

During this he never actually stops…

I try to talk him into taking it easy these days…

but, it is not in his nature…

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“I have things to do!”, he says…

“I can’t just watch TV… sit still… lay down… I am just not made that way!”…

so doors are hung… repaired… floors put down… trimming done… locks fixed… running here and there for parts… car is cleaned and washed…

helps me when in need… takes people if they need a ride…

Maybe this is the secret that makes him keep goingchemo working to give him more days… blood levels great…

and Doctors impressed!…

Of course we know we have the greatest help from our Lord… and we attest to that every time…

Bobby saying, “I asked the Lord for more time… and He is answering!”… worship-praise-silhouette-man-hands-raised-sunset-concept-religion-prayer-42264053

Praise Be! … an expression of relief, joy, or gratitude.

 

Heavenly Love

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I have had a question raised to me…

How can I let God be in charge…

Total submission I believe is the answer…

Letting yourself be lead by His words given you in mind, spirit and body…

I have learned to pray pout loud…

Giving Him my total attention for those moments…

Bobby too!…

We focus on our desires… but, also the desires and needs of others…

and then we have to believe He will answer…

and through many people He does!…

We have had cards, gifts, flowers, food, visits, phone calls, talks, invitations, help with daily activities…

Is that not God speaking to us through others???

Is that not His way???

To have such a burden put on us…

blinding us for the moment…

taking all of our strength for the moment…

bringing tears that don’t seem to cease…

hearts so full of pain that it is unbearable…

and then…

Slowly…

He wraps us in His ever-loving arms…

Holds our hand as we make our way back up the hill from that valley of despair…

He gives us a peace that is not relatable…

A strength we never knew we had…

A purpose and focus to make every day accountable in some way…

Giving us words to teach others what having Jesus in your heart can do for you…

YES!,… this is why “I let God take my life and make it whole”…

“Take my life and use it to benefit others”…

“Take our lives to complete His work with us”…

and all I had to do was surrender

and receive such Heavenly Love…

Let God Be In Charge…

Another treatment done…k17394939… a few side effects…

cold to touch…

little nausea…

but, getting up and trying to do what he can…

He looks great…

The Doctor’s insisted on a genetic test…

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to see if there was a gene for cancer…

with brothers and sisters having this disease…

but, it came back negative to their surprise…

The boys are encouraged to get tests earlier and more often… k24014363

Bobby’s sisters came up from Georgia on Friday…

we had a wonderful visit…

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lots of hugging… kissing… and a few tears…

but…

lots of laughter!…k27866421

which is good for anyone!…

Leaving is always a little sad…

and in this case… harder…

Two of his sisters that came have already lost their husbands…

so… knowing how I feel… is known to them…

Our sleep pattern is erratic…k36584351

late…

getting up way too early…

restless….

and you wake to that sick feeling in your stomach…k30983586

Our promise to each other now… is to go back to our positive thinking…k29504020

getting out of the Lord’s way…

and letting HIM handle what we have  no control of…

We pray deeply… and speak to our Lord out loud…k17901457

We talk of everything…

and hold on to each other desperately at times…

I’m trying to get through just the normal tasks at hand…

we walk in circles at times…

We sit and find ourselves just staring into space…

our minds swirling…

I know you NEVER get everything settled as you would like…

our hummanism… gets in the way…

I thank you Father for the touch of your hands on me… lifting me up and whispering thoughts in my ears…

Keep us in your care Dear Lord…

and we will try to abide…

 

 

 

 

“Answered Prayer”

It has been 6  months since we first heard those words of…

“He has colon cancer”!… k24472835

I was in a daze for a while…

The questions and receiving of information sometimes a blur…

I started asking for prayer immediately and we chose the word…”POSITIVE”… as our way of getting through…

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At least 100 people made this commitment…

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Coming back to remind myself several times… when my weakness bent me…

Tumor removed… hospital days… k27462453 driving back and forth to Veteran’s Hospital…

Doctor talks… family talks… telephone calls…

My mind was racing faster at times than I could keep up…

My Bobby was a trooper through the whole ordeal and still is…

Finding three spots in lymph nodes… was not good!

Port put in to access easily for blood work… antibiotics… iron… blood… and then chemo…

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He is still poked with that curved needle as he goes every other week for treatment…

Taking his blood to check how things are going…

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We heard blood work was good… each time…

added 4 units of iron over a few weeks…

Chemo meds mixed for him specifically…

He would be doing this for 6 months…

I counted 12 treatments because they are every other week…

We were told at the half way mark of treatments…

(3 months or 6 treatments) … however you count it…

he would have a scan…

We reached our 7th treatment…

Wasn’t that half way???…

Appointment for scan came…

A week ago Monday he went in for it…

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then waiting until Wednesday when he went in for treatment to talk to Doctor…

and get results…

I think I cried buckets in these days… k19395833

The unknowing of what you are going to hear is terrible…

The Doctor came in and asked, “Well, buddy… how are you feeling?”…

Bobby answers, “Never better actually!…

and people are in awe … I have heard so much negative talk about these treatments…

and I have felt so good… so much stronger… so more able to do all I want…

Not tired like I was… more energy… not sick…”…

And then she answers him, “You were scanned over your whole torso… checked all organs… lungs, liver, kidneys, lymph nodes, etc…

and we find NO CANCER!… Nothing!…”

I know I gasped… taking in this information… as the Doctor sits quietly beside Bobby on the bed… relating this …

She was smiling so big… and said, “I love bringing this kind of news!”…

and looking at me… says, “Tears of joy, I know!”… as I nodded yes!…

“Would like you to continue the last 4 treatments… you will be finished at the end of November”, she continues talking…

“Can you handle that?”…

“I’m sure we can!”, we both say at the same time…

CANCER FREE!…

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as I looked up to heaven to thank God for answered prayer…

 

 

 

 

 

Me and My God Talking…

My quiet time is in the morning…

God and I have many conversations at this time…

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Is it prayer?

I actually just call it talking… k4923057

You won’t hear my voice… but, God does

It’s a time I bring up all of those who are in need… Sometimes me

and if you were able to hear

You would hear this soft voice telling me in a quiet way

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Things I need to do…

People I need to give special care to…

Cards I need to write…k7124984

People I need to call…k12000398

Kind words that need to be spoken…

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I try and listen

and take heed to these loving words coming to me…

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Someone was laid on my heart today…

and so… I will have to do it…

what God has whispered in my ear to do…

It’s usually just a kind actti087a0203

I’m not HimI am just his messenger…

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but, He has given me this wonderful task of helping others in small ways…

What an honor!